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January 10, 2006
Sticks and stones
I felt trapped in a corner, like a little child in a dark room trying to hide from the monsters under the bed. No one else can see them, but that child knows they are there, and the monsters are taking swipes at the little child huddled in the corner. Mother comes into the room and sees the child crying for no apparent reason and asks "Why are you crying?". When the child replies they are crying because of the monsters, the mother holds them tight, and reassures them that there are no such things as monsters, but the child knows differently.
No reassurance is going to change how I feel. I feel trapped, and I am now doubting myself as to whether anyone else noticed what happened today, or it was just all fabricated in my fragile mind. Am I overreacting? When do you draw the line and consider something to be bad. I can now see how my actions may affect other people. I am sorry to anyone I may have ridiculed, or acted untoward to in the past. I did not know the impact of my actions. It is only when you are on the receiving end that you realise how badly it hurts.
People seem to have lost respect for each other's wishes. Since when did "no" mean "Go on, carry on saying those things to me. Let's see how long you can carry on until I break down into tears, or get up and leave, or swear at you, or....". I feel really cold right now. I wish I could be a stronger person. A good friend of ours conquered something the other night, showed true strength. I was distraught just thinking of what he had to go through, and cried most of the way to work. I wish I could be strong like him, not let anybody's words get to me.
Sticks and stones? If you say so.
Posted by kat at January 10, 2006 7:56 PM
