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June 9, 2006
Butterflies and Hurricanes
Time away from my home makes me think, not about anything in particular, just think. I usually hold my own debate in my head. Some where on my journey growing up someone told me to never take sides, and to listen to all arguments and analyse them on merit and content, rather than on which appealled more. I am now stuck with an endless war of words in my head, and am a very, very confused person. Not confused about who I am, or my identity, but on my ideals. One argument that occurs frequently is particularly close to my heart as I want to work in the Science industry. It goes something along the lines of:
"For or against animal testing". Now I am an avid fan of animals. I love all creatures great and small and try hug at least one a day, but there is that little problem of testing on them. I understand the importance of having to test on animals, and how it impacts the development of live-saving drugs etc etc. I have easily resolved this argument in my head by suggesting that all drugs be tested on people on death row....you know the rapists, murderers, psycho's.
However, some problems aren't so easliy solved, like real life ones. I seem to be able to look at big, life changing problems subjectively and make a fairly non-judgmental decision by weighing up pros and cons and coming to conclusion which my heart may not have wanted, but in my head it is the right thing (by the way, the whole heart/head thing puzzles me as I see them as purely anatomical structures and not the spritiual things they are made out to be-my rule of thumb is if I want it, it's my head, if I wish for it, it's my heart). Anyway, big decisions I can make, but stupid little things like "what shall I wear today" seem to be impossible tasks for me as there are few pros, cons or weighted arguments. I struggle to comprehend how people can go through life just "doing" things without thinking everything though. Everything I do seems to be calculated, weighed up and analysed, and it does sadden me, as I feel I miss out on loads of things because I think too much. I don't lack spontinaity, I just don't seem to frivilous enough. I don't throw caution to the wind, or take enough chances.
Today, I think I shall start living my life.
What a contridiction....it's the thinking that is stopping me doing so.
Posted by kat at June 9, 2006 8:20 PM
