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September 15, 2006
learning to fly
This week has been momentous for me. Not only have I enrolled on an exciting adventure, but I have learnt alot about myself. It's not so much new things that I have learnt, just reaffirmation. I've learnt that I need people around me at all times to function, although I do struggle when people get too close. I also flit about far to much...it's part of my nature...unfortunately the one thing i can't seem to tame. I'm not in the class of ADHD, but I need things to constantly change. I can never see myself settled. I've been trying, but either the time isn't right, or I'll never be. My life moves too quickly for most to keep up. They want things a certain way, and I keep on changing. I'm inconsistent I suppose, and although faithful to loyal to mist, probably unreliable too.
I am also more social than I give myself credit for. I just started to come out of my shell before I left work, and although I'm not one to go out and get trashed every night, I like the odd tipple with the girls now and then, but mostly I like to be in the company of people. Saying that, I enjoy my alone time too, I think I need a 70/30 ratio of social to me time. I like to think an awful lot. My thoughts are deep, but my emotions aren't. That's not to say my emotions aren't prominent. I like to cry....alot, and I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I feel that they are not as deep as most people's. In the moment they seem to be, but they quickly wear off. I always tease my brother of being a "girl pants", because he tends to dwell on things alot longer. I have my cry and then everything's ok again.
I also suffer from the dangling carrot syndrome. I think I made that up, but it makes sense to me. As long as I don't have it, I'll want it. I'm constantly following that dangling carrot of getting my degree, but I am a bit worried as to what will happen when I do get it. What will be my next goal, my next carrot? I know it's four years off, but I like to stay ahead.
Hmmm, let's try think up some positive points then, shall we? There are none that I can think of at the moment, as it is only these things that have been brought to light lately. I'm a free spirit in some ways, in others I just want stability. I wish I would decide which sometimes.
Posted by kat at September 15, 2006 5:13 PM
