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September 30, 2007
....^_^....
Well, well, well. It has been a while yet again. My infrequent thought jotting (as it is not blogging) has become somewhat sporadic of late. What can I say, my mind has been numb, plus I have been somewhat preoccupied as well. Where to start, well, in the wise words of Julie Andrews, I'll start at the very beginning, for it is a very good place to start. (Layout inspiration from the lovely Naku)
Work:
I finished off my last few days at work with much gusto. They dragged oh so slowly, but I managed to keep my chin up, and when told at 4:30pm on my last day (Friday) that I was to go downstairs as Accounts had some work for me to do, I rushed down with baited breathe for some work that would make the time pass quicker. To my disappointment, there was no work for me, but a lovely presentation. Everyone found it very amusing when they saw the look of dismay when they said they had no work for me. All departments have welcomed me back, as I have, once again, left my paw-print in their hearts (people seem to get too attached to me).
Kyle:
After finishing a whole half an hour early, I dashed home to find a very dishevelled, jet-lagged, but cute as button, wide-eyed Kyle waiting for me at the top of the stairs. He'd already told me about his day, and how the numpty got off four stops after the one I told him to get off at (along with providing concise directions AND PHOTOS of the bus stop), so we spared the niceties and just fell into each others arms. Later that evening we went up to the cartoon night, and I introduced him to all my anime friends, something I had not done the previous visit, and he was subjected to a million questions and a toast of gin.
Saturday is when things went downhill. I was blessed with the joys of another UTI, which I could feel niggling on Friday. I think Kyle is the bringer of UTIs, I have no idea why or how, but it just seems to happen when he's around. Needless, I had a very interesting Saturday evening, which may or may not have involved me taking my pillow and falling asleep on the loo, because the need to wee, and the production thereof were very much unmatched.
We took it easy the next couple of days, and soon things were looking brighter. He came along to a few lectures, and walked me to my classes and such. I just wish I would have been less edgy, and more relaxed. I seem to have been mightily stressed out that first week back at uni, and kind of took it out on Kyle a bit, which I still feel the need to apologise for. Bless his soul, he is the loveliest, most tolerant person you will ever meet. He put up with my moods as if they were a normal thing, and tried to relax me in any way he could. I am so blessed to have someone as understanding.
The days melted into each other, and I can't remember exactly what happened. We went out for a few lovely meals, and watched a few episodes of my new complete Battle of the Planets <3 boxset, even played on ffxi a bit, but nothing too exciting. We took a trip up to Glasgow, where it pelted with rain. We did get to have yummy Ichiban noodles and bento boxes, and walked to the Ocean Terminal on a sunny day, which was very pleasant as well.
The morning I had to say goodbye, my emotions switched off, as they usually do, and it was all business and schedules. I am a bum when it comes to things like that. Instead of enjoying the last few moments, I'm busy clock watching and making sure we're making good time, and then when I realise we only have a few minutes left, the clock watching disintegrates and tears come. And they come, and then Kyle's last image of me is of this red, snotty, puffy faced emotional mess, and we say our goodbyes as the sun rises behind us, and I have to tell him to go before I start refusing to let go, and he leaves, and I cry more. But it's business as usual, right?
School:
I like how the Americans call university, school. This partly because I am lazy, and school is only one syllable, and partly because it's the only Americanisation of something I agree with. I am still a scholar, I am still learning, plus I like to think I can be similar to a fish. So uni is ok. After the airport I had to rush to go to a 3 hour practical, which was painstaking. I had to put all emotions behind me and get on with things, efficiently and precisely. I've been working quite well so far, and have been studying all weekend for a test on Wednesday. Kyle has been away this weekend, so I've been using my time as best I can. In all honesty, I enjoyed the weekend. I love Kyle's company, but I think I needed the time alone to regroup my thoughts, and to appreciate how much I need to have him around.
Gym:
Yes, I'm back, an loving it. I feel alot more alive, although am still needing about 11 hours sleep on the weekends. I'm also feeling better within myself. I think work left me feeling flat and not too great about myself, which affected Kyle's trip here as I was grumpy about myself, yet let that affect how I was with him. Like they say, you have to love yourself before you can love another.
All in all, I think it's going to be a challenging semester, but I'll have a nice reward at the end of it. A whole month with Kyle and Christmas with my mom and dad =) Speaking of which, it was my dad's birthday today. Such a pity I couldn't be there to celebrate, but hey, what can I do.
I think I can still fit a few more pages of revision in before I lay my weary head to rest.
Have a good week
Posted by kat at 6:04 PM | Comments (0)
September 11, 2007
Warning - contemplation ahead
I hate wolf-whistlers. I really wish they could be castrated. That'd stop them doing that annoying act of pursing their lips together. No, I am not flattered, I am insulted. It really, really irks me. I don't know if other women out there feel the same, but it is most certainly demeaning to me. I am walking down the street to get an apple, and I am met with wolf whistling. Did I especially leave my office to be wolf whistled at? Did I venture outdoors to flaunt whatever it was that the offenders found attractive? No. I went out so I could get a sodding apple.
I have this view that I'd much rather be seen as an intelligent woman, than an attractive one. The mind is far more important than the body. I do go on about it, but I sometimes find the world so superficial that I feel I have to. Saying this, I do like looking at people, and find all sorts attractive, even if they are unconventially so. I like features that make a person interesting, not beautiful. I like the high fashion supermodels. The ones that were hideous growing up, but are now considered beauties, even if convention objects. Lily Cole, for instance. I find her beautiful. She's ginger, scrawny, and has a big round moonface. Not exactly conventional. But this doesn't detract from her ethereal beauty. On top of this, she is highly intelligent. I praise her for this.
I often think too much emphasis is placed on what we should do to be successful. My ideals are not the same as convention dictates. I don't want to be attractive. I don't want children. I don't want a loving husband who supports me. I do conform to some ideals though. I want a good degree. I want a well paying job. I want my own property. And, contrary to popular belief, I do want a partner who will share this with me, but I emphasize that I don't want to be looked after. I sometimes wonder how the world would be if we were blind to these things that we have to live up to. I know 90% of women would stop dieting to be thin, and start to eat so that their bodies are healthy. People wouldn't have self-esteem problems. The "beautiful people" would most certainly be out of a job (hi Paris).
Saying this, I also wonder, would the world just collapse into a big mushy heap of content. Would we lose focus and drive and that conpetitive edge. I know I strive for things because I keep in mind that there is always someone more intelligent, more successful, more determined. If I didn't have to live up to anything, I probably wouldn't try. But I have a point to prove. I have to prove that I am not a pretty face, I am an intelligent, determined, and (hopefully) soon to be successful woman. I suppose I have to take the bad with the good. This world will never be perfect. I may as well use the negative as my driving force, and just put up with that gorram wolf whistling.
Posted by kat at 8:31 AM | Comments (0)
September 10, 2007
Hmmm
I'm sure I'm forgetting something, yet I am unable to pin point it. Run over all my lists (yes, I'm a list maker), and everything seems ok. Nobody's birthday just yet. Done all my things for uni, bar paying fees, but the registry closes before I finish work, so it'll have to be next week. Washing, food shopping, gym. Something is not right though. Any input would be appreciated. I think I may have forgotten to bring my brain with me today at work, but that's not it, I think...
It is awful when you just can't remember something, or you are asked a question and the answer is on the tip of your tongue. I wonder how that all works at a molecular level (as I often wonder how EVERYTHING works at a molecular level). Is it that the synapses just aren't doing their job quiet as well, or are they firing from the area next to where the information is stored. How is it that we actually store information anyway. Does a memory have a different "code" as such. How do we store images, and how do we dream. I think I need to read up on computer programming just to quell this want for useless knowledge. I imagine it is similar in theory. Things stored as electrical impulses and code. Hmmm...me thinks a chat with my dearest brother is in order.
Posted by kat at 8:59 AM | Comments (0)
September 8, 2007
zomg sheep popcorn
View imagePosted by kat at 7:17 PM | Comments (0)
September 6, 2007
>_<;
Once again I have been left to my own device at work with nothing to do, and so I have been looking at jobs in the science sector- you know, seeing what they require and such, and I must say, it looks VERY daunting. As in I'm stressing out now, but then again that isn't unusual, for me at least.
Zooshi tonight, oh yay, oh yay. I cannot wait. I know exactly what I'm going to have already as well. And seeing as I live like across the road from Bonsai <3 I don't have to worry about trekking home afterwards.
Still in my foul mood, it seems to have shrouded me for the past month. I seem to have had my tolerance cut even shorter. Chocolate doesn't even seem to help. Hopefully it'll rectify itself next week.
Also...RIP Pavarotti =( So many fun days with Caroline with pillows stuffed up my shirt, not to gain ample cleavage, but to immitate this legend, whilst bellowing out bad opera...
Posted by kat at 10:10 AM | Comments (0)
September 4, 2007
Epics
So it has been a good while.
So much, yet so little has happened these past few weeks. I've got a fair bit done with the flat. All I am missing now is a desk. Right now my pc is on a small bookshelf, and it's rather annoying as when I'm playing ffxi, I have nowhere to place my feet. More than anything, my emotions have been all over the place. It weird, I'm a very emotional person, yet I rarely let my emotions govern my decisions. I decide with my head, not my heart, which is a less romantic view of things, but hey, I am a realist after all?
Another problem I've encountered as of late is that I can sometimes be too friendly. Guys often misinterpret my intentions, as has a lovely fellow at work. I'm smiley and courteous, and joke around, but in now way do I flirt, yet these actions are always misconstrued as such. I just like to be liked. Everyone does. I don't want people to think I'm stuck up, just because of this. I suppose if I am content with the way I act, and that I am comfortable that in no way am I giving the wrong signals, then I shouldn't worry about such things. I'm lucky I have someone as understanding and supportive that does not get jealous of these things.
Speaking of, that certain someone shall be in Edinburgh in 10 days for a semi-spontaneous visit \o/ Granted it's not the best of times, but it's the best we can do before Christmas. He's coming down to "look at educational establishments". Bwahahahaha.
I've been feeling very plain as of late, which has been affecting my mood. I'm not saying I love myself and think I'm gorgeous, that couldn't be further from the truth (just Kyle, poor bugger has to put up with me disputing every nice thing he says about me), but I do have better days than others where I feel somewhat good about my appearance. I walk down the street and people look at me. Some people in this situation would think "Hmm, they're looking at me" and get a boost of self confidence. I immediately close my body up, hunch my shoulders and feel awfully self conscious and paranoid and begin to think "What are they looking at, what's wrong with me?". It's a silly way to be, I have no idea why I care what they think of me. The people that I care about in my life are fine with who I am, so why do I still have doubts every now and then.
I suppose it is human nature to doubt. In evolutionary terms, only the attractive and fertile get mates, so it plays constantly on people's minds. In built mechanism can be a bum sometimes =)
On a more positive note, my degree prospects are looking better. I'm getting a good sense of the direction I want to go in, and getting there with career paths. I'm slowly narrowing it down, but these things take time. My manager is on holiday at the moment, and so I'm doing some of her work, like typing up documents for Managing Directors and such. One of the MD's said to me yesterday "If you ever want a job as a PA...." implying that he's hire me, but I just laughed. I know that is exactly the role that made me decide I wanted to go to university. It is my nemesis of job roles.
I also have an uber picture I want to post. It involves popcorn that resembles a sheep. I <3 food. Renewed my gym membership as well, and am going for my first proper session in months. Now that I live 5 min walk away, I have no excuse not to go. Last year it was a half an hour walk, and in the rain, it was not pleasant.
Anyway, work to get on with...Two more weeks until school year begins \o/
Posted by kat at 5:07 AM | Comments (0)