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September 4, 2007
Epics
So it has been a good while.
So much, yet so little has happened these past few weeks. I've got a fair bit done with the flat. All I am missing now is a desk. Right now my pc is on a small bookshelf, and it's rather annoying as when I'm playing ffxi, I have nowhere to place my feet. More than anything, my emotions have been all over the place. It weird, I'm a very emotional person, yet I rarely let my emotions govern my decisions. I decide with my head, not my heart, which is a less romantic view of things, but hey, I am a realist after all?
Another problem I've encountered as of late is that I can sometimes be too friendly. Guys often misinterpret my intentions, as has a lovely fellow at work. I'm smiley and courteous, and joke around, but in now way do I flirt, yet these actions are always misconstrued as such. I just like to be liked. Everyone does. I don't want people to think I'm stuck up, just because of this. I suppose if I am content with the way I act, and that I am comfortable that in no way am I giving the wrong signals, then I shouldn't worry about such things. I'm lucky I have someone as understanding and supportive that does not get jealous of these things.
Speaking of, that certain someone shall be in Edinburgh in 10 days for a semi-spontaneous visit \o/ Granted it's not the best of times, but it's the best we can do before Christmas. He's coming down to "look at educational establishments". Bwahahahaha.
I've been feeling very plain as of late, which has been affecting my mood. I'm not saying I love myself and think I'm gorgeous, that couldn't be further from the truth (just Kyle, poor bugger has to put up with me disputing every nice thing he says about me), but I do have better days than others where I feel somewhat good about my appearance. I walk down the street and people look at me. Some people in this situation would think "Hmm, they're looking at me" and get a boost of self confidence. I immediately close my body up, hunch my shoulders and feel awfully self conscious and paranoid and begin to think "What are they looking at, what's wrong with me?". It's a silly way to be, I have no idea why I care what they think of me. The people that I care about in my life are fine with who I am, so why do I still have doubts every now and then.
I suppose it is human nature to doubt. In evolutionary terms, only the attractive and fertile get mates, so it plays constantly on people's minds. In built mechanism can be a bum sometimes =)
On a more positive note, my degree prospects are looking better. I'm getting a good sense of the direction I want to go in, and getting there with career paths. I'm slowly narrowing it down, but these things take time. My manager is on holiday at the moment, and so I'm doing some of her work, like typing up documents for Managing Directors and such. One of the MD's said to me yesterday "If you ever want a job as a PA...." implying that he's hire me, but I just laughed. I know that is exactly the role that made me decide I wanted to go to university. It is my nemesis of job roles.
I also have an uber picture I want to post. It involves popcorn that resembles a sheep. I <3 food. Renewed my gym membership as well, and am going for my first proper session in months. Now that I live 5 min walk away, I have no excuse not to go. Last year it was a half an hour walk, and in the rain, it was not pleasant.
Anyway, work to get on with...Two more weeks until school year begins \o/
Posted by kat at September 4, 2007 5:07 AM
