He knows if I'm not feeling 100% and respects that I sometimes need that time to just sit and watch tv and let my mind go numb, which does sometimes feel odd that he is that flexible of his time, and will never protest against what I want to do, even if it means he doesn't get to speak to me for more than an hour in a day.

I fly off on Tuesday to spend a month with him, and I'm sure things will go fine with us, as it is always different when we are together. I think the problem lies in the fact that he's not the greatest conversationalist, and I am a lazy one. I prefer people to start a topic, I don't often bring up things and would rather sit in silence than think of something to chat about. I'm not one to chat about how the day went either, unless something super exciting happened, like I was beamed up by aliens. When we are together there are things we can do that don't involve talking. I'm looking forward to going biking a lot, and am so happy that I have a partner who likes to do outdoorsy things too. I also like doing my crosswords and such, which I like to do in his company. The poor thing has to start uni shortly after I arrive, so there'll be plenty of study/crossword sessions.

I think the thing I'm most frustrated about now is that I'm getting bored of this long distance thing. It's not so much boring as an inconvenience. I have so many other things to worry about right now - uni, money, my career - and this is just one more thing that I have to work through, and I can't be bothered.

How I'm feeling right now is not a true reflection on our relationship. Lately I have been picking fights and such, and I know that no relationship is perfect, and that we will work things through. I'm scared that I'll do some permanent damage, but in another sense I just can't help myself. There is only so much variation one can have across an ocean, and I suppose my subconscious wants something more, and so is trying to liven things up by having a debate, which often ends in me saying things I don't mean just to get a reaction. It's a funny thing, the human mind.

I think I have sufficiently spilled my guts, and hopefully that'll clear the air a bit. These past few months have been tough, but I know we'll work things out, we have too much to lose. We've invested so much time, energy and sacrifice into this for it not to work. Right now it's just a rough patch, and I'm hoping this month will help to change things. I know things will never go back to the way they were, but I'm hoping we'll create some solid memories, that don't involve theft, kidney infections, or family feuds. I always have a great time when I'm around him, I think I cried for about 30 min into his shoulder at the airport last time, which is saying something I suppose.

And if Kyle is reading this: I still love you, you know I could never not. I can't wait to get there to sort things out. Only 3 more sleeps.

Now all I need is the rest of my money, and 3 1/2 weeks to pass.

Note to self - check with manager if he knows I am leaving on said date!

Today was a fairly pleasant day - I had some freaky customers in though. Some lady with shocking pink hair, who would talk to herself and insist on seeing a male employee, and proceed to tell him that she used to be an exotic dancer (she was about 65 years old). Some other cranks, who shouted at one of my colleagues, and another man who, bless his soul, asked to speak to a male employee because he was angry and didn't want to shout at a lady.

I had some lady comment at 4pm about how lovely the day had been, to which I shoved my head outdoors, and noted that it was indeed pleasant weather outside - alluding to the fact that I had not left the building since 8:20 that morning. It's the first day we have not had rain, although saying that, we did have the windscreen wipers on over the mountain.

Anyway, back to be mundane. I have washing to fold, and orders to chase up!

See you later, alligators

Work is going, knock on wood, quite well. I like the people I work with, and they seem to be happy with me (always the most important thing for me), and I'm helping people everyday which, despite my I hate people and the world attitude, is something I like to do, if only for the fact that I get to solve problems.

So, with no money, and a tough 2 years ahead, I seem to be feeling quite chipper. I went through a rough patch where I was getting annoyed to those closest to me, and I'm coming out of that patch now, things are looking brighter, even if they aren't really all that good. I always keep a slightly negative slant on things, because I like to keep on top, and continue to improve. I hate these parents that tell their kids how fabulous they are, say, at singing, and the kid has this positive attitude about how great a singer they are, then they sing in front of someone else, and that person tells them they are awful - that kid's dreams are shattered because the parent told them to be positive and believe in themselves. My view on things is - if you expect the worse, things can only get better. If you go into a situation expecting the worst thing possible, your expectation will either be met, or you will end up with a better result - no disappointment there.

Right now I want to be that tone deaf kids singing my lungs out. Just for a bit. I can strive for greater things next week, right now I'm going to be happy I'm alive, and all those simple things.

On a more positive note, I got a package fulled with lovely goodies from Kyle, including this beautiful ring:

It reminds me of cherry blossoms, so I sit staring at it all day wishing I was in Japan for the Sakura. Oh well, someday. It's something to look forward to I suppose. Also, I only have 6 more weeks until I go back to the States. I'm nervous to go though. Every time I do go, something goes wrong. I haven't recovered from the last trip, and now I'm going to be going again so soon. I just seem to be full of such negativity at the moment, that I'm not enjoying the nice things in life. I wish someone would just pull me out of the little black hole I'm in.

Anyway, I have tomorrow off which is nice, I need a two day weekend! I work next Saturday as well, but hopefully that'll be the last.

*thinks happy thoughts*

My holiday in the States was great fun and I have posted all my pics on facebook, although we are still trying to get the insurance papers through to make some claims.

I have also discovered that, in my day to day ongoings that is working at the world's local bank, people suck. Literally. They suck every last ounce of emotional energy out of you. I'm quite content rushing around pleasing people with no gratitude what-so-ever, but as soon as I get home, I have no time for those closest to me. Kinda bugs me, but to be honest, I'm too knackered to give a hoot =(

Anyways, off to relax a bit in my new ducky duvet which is oh-so-soft.

This was during the happier times, when Kyle wasn't working and when we didn't have people screwing us around:

On a fun note, been rocking the drums on Rockstar. Watch out Keith Moon

Secondly, I've had people ask about the comments not working. They've been switched off due to spam. As much as I want to increase my penis size, or inherit millions of dollars from some Nigerian, I have better things to do with my time. If you feel you really have to tell me something of utmost importance, or just feel like being annoying, send comments to katmeeow@katmeeow.org.

kthx

THREE MORE SLEEPS

Illegal smuggling of Hobnobs

Looking shifty

Acting nervous

Illegal smuggling of not one, but two jars of pepperdews

Because the guy who stamps my passport is having a bad day

The fact that the first time I went through immigration, and couldn't keep my hands still on the fingerprint scanny machine as my mobile phone was vibrating in my bag because a reminder alarm was going off, and there was a big sign saying "SWITCH ALL CELLPHONES OFF", and mine was off, but had switched itself on for the very reason of alerting me that I was in America (I set alarms for fun, k)

Having the wrong type of passport (I have checked this many many times, and have entered on it before, but things change)

So, now I have worked myself up into such a state that the nice immigration people are not going to let me in for whatever arbitrary reason, and now I can't study, yay.

On a positive note, FOUR MORE SLEEPS, until I get to see whether or not they really will let me in!

We'll see how I do, but in all honesty, I'm not too fussed if I get a few B's, this is my eye before the storm, and I'll enjoy the free lives I can use, before junior honours year hits me like a smack in the face and everything counts towards my final degree. I won't be taking exams so lightly then, I can guarantee you that!

I'm off to go see Iron Man now, yay!

P.S.
Honey-nut cheerios make an awesome dinner

But wait, I'll be in the Americas soon, where I shall be forced to be pleasant to all the interesting Americans I shall be meeting. Then I shall be on island, where I shall be forced to be pleasant to all the interesting pensioners I shall be meeting at work. Boooo....my plans are foiled!

Oh well, this wasted at least 2 minutes of my time, now I shall go find more stuff to fuel my need to procrastinate.

Hidey Ho

What my greater plan is - I am still trying to work that out. I have some big decisions to make over the next few months, ones that will impact the rest of my life, and it's hard to try guess whether you are making the right one. Decisions that may seem right now, may not necessarily be right in the future. Butterfly flapping its wings and all that. I'm scared of these things. I'm sure everyone wants to go through life making the right choices, so as to make their short time on this earth as enjoyable as possible. Could it be that we don't actually have any choice in the matter? That the choice that we make was already made for us before we were confronted with the question?

Far too philosophical for this time of the morning. I have far more important things to think about. Viruses for one. And the fact that I have exams in 11 and 16 days time, and feel horribly underprepared. So far this semester has gone without hitch, I've got the grades I've wanted, but I can't help expect the winning streak to be broken any moment now. I have bigger things playing on my mind, and I'm not as focused for these exams as I have been in the past. Hopefully I will have a fresh start in September, when things in my head are sorted. Right now, I shall live each day as it comes. One can never plan too much for the future. That greater plan may not agree with those plans.

I took a photo as proof

Tomorrow's Friday, and I have 20 more sleeps =D

On a more serious note, please visit here . I went to school with this girl, and want to tell as many people about this worthy cause, as she is such an amazing person. In a nutshell, she has been diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia, and her family need to raise funds for a bone marrow transplant. Any and all donations are welcomed. There are details on the web page.

Back to the slog. I write my first exam on Tuesday, and am trying to convince myself that exams are really that close, because I feel like I should be on a beach in the bahamas drinking cocktails out of pineapples with the amount of motivation I have at the moment.

Studying is not happening. I am lacking the enthusiasm this semester. It happened last year as well. They give us too much time to study, and you lose pace. I am looking forward to two out of the three subjects when stage two approaches (I use a three-stage strategy, first spend a few days over one block writing and reading up on notes, second I study the whole block in one day, and memorise, then I move on to splitting all the blocks over the two days before the exam, all the while consulting past papers), but the third one is a drag. I can't even bring myself to finishing stage one, I just want to skip over to stage two. Mind numbing stuff.

Went back to the gym today, and it felt great. Did my 5km run (t'was very good), and 3km on the cross trainer (which is really any excuse to watch day-time tellie as I do not own a tv), which was just enough to leave my legs slightly shaky and wore me out a bit. Low and behold, 5 minutes later I was buzzing around a bit and have been struggling to sit still all day.

Anyways, back to day-dreaming about conquering the Americas again. How I miss those hotdogs and relish..mmmmm